"Mona Lisa smile" might be a bit generous

I have a problem. It is something I have known about for years, most memorably coming to light around my freshman year of college, and yet it is something I frequently forget about until it hits me right in the face. Which is ironic because the problem is, in fact, my face.

When I am feeling perfectly neutral and void of any identifiable emotion, I have one of the grumpiest/most upset faces that mankind has ever seen. People approach me and ask me what's wrong. Others recoil in shock and give me a concerned look. Countless others have probably avoided all interaction with me whatsoever on account of my imagined meanness and intolerance. Who knows how many lifelong friendships have never seen the light of day just because someone looked at me when I was bored or lost in my own little world?

I generally consider myself a nice, happy person, and I think most people who know me well would agree. A friend once tried to salvage my reputation by theorizing that what I refer to as my "neutral face" is actually a secretly sad face, and that this could explain why I look so horrifying if I'm not being careful. But some solitary experiments and conscious efforts have illustrated to me that this is, sadly, not the case. I have tried clearing my mind and closing my eyes in front of a mirror, then opening them to see what I look like. I have seen pictures of myself shortly after they were taken and been shocked by the difference between my state of mind and state of face. The most recent example of this would have to be my Oregon driver's license, for which I tried to give a small, lip-only smile. The DMV photographer, upon seeing my wretched expression on the screen, pulled out what must have been his stock, that's-not-so-bad-and-I-really-don't-want-to-take-it-again line:

"you have the Mona Lisa smile. No, you do!"

No, I don't. And for that, I apologize to my friends, family, acquaintances, and those people who have taken pains to never meet me. You didn't do anything wrong, it's just my face. I have asked Mike (who is now calling me Miss Grimace because I "wear purple and frown all the time") to tell me when I make these faces so I can train myself before I become a Mean Old Lady. I'm sure you'll be able to tell for yourselves how well that's working.